Tree Talk: A Conversation Amongst Trees

The scene is set at a night party where Holly and Cypress are gossiping in the corner.

Holly: The maples are always crying. What saps!

Cypress: They aren’t as bad as Willow. There she goes weeping again.

Holly: By the way, stay away from Hazel. She’s a nut.

Cypress: See him over there? Don’t waste your time. You can’t make him hard. He’s got a cotton wood.

Cypress: And that seedy guy who just walked in? I think he’s yew gross.

Holly: Did you hear about Sycamore? He just got over that illness and is sick-no-more.

Cypress: Healthy or not, he’s still a flake.

Holly: Oh great, and here come the showoffs Pear, Peach, Orange, and Apple. They always bare their fruit.

Cypress: I prefer them to Ms. Ornamental over there. She’s a beech.

Cypress: Oh, and look! There’s old Blue. He sure knows how to spruce up. He never seems to age.

Holly: That’s because he’s evergreen.

Cypress: Whatever the reason, I can’t help but pine for him.

Holly: So that’s why you have your cones on display tonight.


Enter Blue Spruce and Boxelder, the good ole boys who are always up for a laugh.

Blue Spruce: Excuse me ladies, can we get through? It’s not nice to box your elders in.

Boxelder: Who are you calling old? You’ve aged so much I almost thought you were Silver!

Blue Spruce: Hey Box, what did one Oak say to the other Oak while going through the buffet line?

Boxelder: I don’t know, what?

Blue Spruce: “‘ey, corn!”

Boxelder: Hah! Speaking of nuts, look who’s coming. Hey Wally, hey Ches, put your nuts away. You’re making the rest of us look bad!


Enter Walnut and Chestnut, flamboyant.

Walnut: If you think our nuts are something, you should see our wood.

Chestnut: Yeah, it’s in even higher demand!

Walnut: Come on, let’s go get a drink.


Change scene to the bar, tended by Birch.

Birch: Wally, Ches, what’ll ya’ have?

Chestnut: Whatever you have on tap is fine.

Walnut: Here comes Cypress. That girl sure can hold her drink.

Chestnut: Unlike that guy. Hey Birch, you’d better check on him.

Birch: Whoa fella, I’m going to have to cut you off. You’re looking a little red, bud.

Cypress: What’s with him?

Birch: He’ll be okay. He’s just not very hardy.


End scene.


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