Human Highlights is a Sunday tradition at Commode To Joy. It’s a friendly reminder to forgive your human moments, celebrate the highlights, and enjoy life’s little lovelies in the interim.
Human Moment: I’m not writing one this week. I’m too excited about my Highlight.
Wait. Did I just write a Human Moment? I think I did. About defiance.
Highlight: I stopped by the hospital Friday evening to say hi to Mark. One of the docs leaving the parking lot offered to give me a ride in his Tesla. Duh.
I get in and he’s showing off how quiet it is and pushing all kinds of buttons on the giant touch screen that operates everything in the car. “Do you like going fast?” he asks. “Yep.” “You like roller coasters?” “I love them. I think it’d be fun to ride with the Blue Angels some day.”
He drives over a speed bump and stops. “Between here and the next speed bump, it’ll go from 0 to 50.” The next speed bump is roughly 60 feet away, but I don’t have time to process that information because he stomps the accelorator.
Feet kicking against the floorboard, shrieking laughter, one hand on the door handle and the other on Doc’s arm – I was having flashbacks of Mr. Freeze, a ride at Six Flags St. Louis that launches out at 72 miles an hour and takes my breath away.
For as much as I love hills, corkscrews, loops, and turns of coasters, I’d forgotten how much shooting straight out scares me. The Top Thrill Dragster at Cedar Point in Ohio blasts from 0 to 120mph. I’m not sure how my skin stayed attached to my face on that ride. I am sure that it was too fast for me.
I’m rethinking my statement about the Blue Angels when…
Next Tesla demo. Doc changes the driving mode with the push of a button on the fancy screen. My car has driving modes too, like reverse, drive, and one extra – sport, which is great for taking turns.
The Tesla’s driving option that Doc pushed? “Ludicrous”. No really, that’s a driving mode. It’s one notch faster than “Insane”, if you’re interested.
“Waaaaahhhh!!!! Whoooooo!!! Haaaaaaaahahahaha!” I hyena-d from the passenger seat. The good doctor leaned toward his window trying to get away from my loud mouth.
The Tesla goes so damn fast it tickles the lady parts. No joke.
The next time you’re at a carnival or theme park, observe the rides like the giant ships that rock back and forth. Note how many riders are female. That’s because those rides tickle the hoo-hah like you wouldn’t believe. Not in a turn me on way. More like an insane laughter type of way because how in the heck does it tickle there so much?
My husband says guys don’t experience rides that way. It’s a good thing, because in the case of the Tesla, your nuts would be in your bladder. Doc would have to surgically remove them for you.
Moral of the story? No moral. Other than I have no business ever driving one of those cars unless it drives for me. And, this was hands down the highlight of my week. All 2.8 seconds (times two).
Life’s Little Lovelies: The Forsyth Family Fest. This year Miller is tall enough to ride the spinning strawberries (same concept as the ever famous teacups). This boy likes rides too. Looks like we have a lot of theme parks in our future. And maybe a Tesla ride or two.
What are your Human Highlights from the week?
Categories: Odes To Joy