Mark’s working late. Rather than bringing Miller to the hospital so we could dine together, per usual, I hired a sitter so I could go by myself.
I started another Light Series story and am in the writing groove. The hospital has free wi-fi and a good cafeteria, plus I’ll have a cute date here in a bit.
This all seems like a no brainer, right? No big deal?
When I made the decision to do this, it felt like a big deal. Mom guilt kicked in as I once again faced the divide that all mom’s face: Do I do this for me, or do I sacrifice it to maximize time with my child?
This isn’t a break for my sanity. I’m not on the verge of crazy if I don’t get this timeout. (Thank goodness. I don’t like that precipice.)
I left our house picturing me and Miller playing outside. Walking up our hill. Adventuring together. Collecting acorns, hickory nuts, and walnuts. I chastised myself for willingly letting those interactions slip from my fingers – moments I’ll never get back – in order to write.
I kept driving.
Here I sit, working on a story about a brave woman. A story that’s difficult. And powerful. And sacred.
In this space, this writing groove, every part of me relaxes. I’m calm. I’m happy. I’m glued to this bench, because this is exactly where I want to be.
I’ve needed breaks from mothering because I’d go nuts otherwise. Those breaks remind me of showing up to the doctor’s office sick.
Breaks like this – desire based breaks – are like wellness checks. Ways to keep myself as filled up as possible so that crazy breaks aren’t needed (very often).
I’m not a parenting expert. Mom guilt isn’t a parenting expert either (even though it thinks it is).
I don’t have all the answers, but I know it’s okay to take breaks for yourself. The breaks you need, the breaks you want, and always breaks from mom guilt.