Commode To Joy

finding happy (even in the crappy)

Inferiority Complex

Inferiority complex strikes again.

If ever you’ve felt like you’re less than, don’t measure up, aren’t good thin tall rich smart talented healthy educated strong enough (the list could go on forever), or you just kinda suck in general, welcome to the inferiority complex party.

Grab some self-loathing snacks, help yourself to you’re-a-dummy drinks, and have a shitty time!

But seriously, it’s party no-fun, and I’ve attended it twice in the past week.

Exhibit A: Molly’s Game.

Molly’s Game

It’s a movie about Molly Bloom who, as a young girl, made it to qualifiers for the Olympics in skiing. A break from the sport prompted a move to Los Angeles where she wound up getting involved in poker.

An incredibly smart and clever mind, Molly wound up hosting games, first in L.A. and then in New York City. These weren’t just average poker games. They included some of the most influential, powerful, and famous people of the time, all vetted by her own wits.

At the peak, she hosted games with $250,000 buy ins, and saw pots as high as 3+ million dollars. In the course of one year, she made over $4,000,000 in tips alone. She was 31 at the time.

Has your inferiority complex kicked in yet? Cause I’m basically a worthless p.o.s.

This is a major commode.

Here’s the problem: I love this movie. Mark and I watched it a few weekends ago, and I liked it so well that I’d play it in the background while Miller was at school. Turns out this isn’t the smartest thing to do when the main character is such a kickass powerhouse that it triggers feelings of inadequacy.

If you aren’t a victim to such spirals, watch the movie. If you are, watch it with caution.

Exhibit B: A Star Is Born.

A Star Is Born

Mom called Friday afternoon and asked if she could keep Miller for the night. With the unexpected free time, Mark and I saw A Star Is Born.

I’m not giving a synopsis of this since it’s currently in theaters. Although, fun fact, this is the third remake of the original 1937 film. Can you believe there are four versions of this?! That’s nuts.

I digress.

To Lady Gaga.

And how unbelievable she is.

I mean, could she be any cooler, more talented, more committed to her work, and more authentic? Oh My Gosh. She’s so good…I’m basically a country bumpkin whose life achievements include hiccuping every day since 1993 and getting depantsed in the first grade in front of my entire class. (Thanks Brock.)

“Shit or get off the pot,” they say. Well here I am, still stuck on the shitter. Sitting in this commode moment.

In 2009, a credit union in town asked several locals to dress up as celebrities and walk around our annual street festival, The Decatur Celebration. My character? Lady Gaga.

Thanks to a good ole inferiority complex, I’m gonna put it out on record right now that never did I ever – honest to goodness cross my heart – realize how rockin’ my bod was.

At one point I was with a boyfriend and commented on how small a gal was in line in front of us. He looked at me like I was nuts and said, “Jamie, you’re that small.” I looked at him like he was even more nuts. “No I’m not. Am I?”

I mean really, clueless. All I’d ever known up to that point was that I was from small town USA with way more corn than money. We – people from my town or my county or basically anyone south of I-80 – didn’t have the things that folks from big cities did. I’d never considered body type. I was too busy feeling geographically inferior. (Ironically, now it’s something I’m grateful for.)

That was my earliest taste of not measuring up, via comparison. It still flares up. Exhibit A and B are my most recent examples.

Now for the weekly question, How is it a good thing?

When contemplating this comparison catastrophe, I had an uplifting thought:

“Don’t worry about becoming someone you’re not. Focus on becoming a better version of you.”

This is the shift from commode to ode to joy.

Molly Bloom has a degree of intellect and a competitive nature that I don’t posses. I also won’t posses it ever. Why get stuck on becoming something I’m not?

Lady Gaga is basically a real-life modern-day unicorn. Okay, not really. She’s as real and human as you and I. I won’t ever possess her performance prowess, or lots of her other qualities, for that matter. Why berate myself for not being her?

Instead of needling at what I’m not, how about acknowledging who I am. I’m an honest person. Sometimes clever. Sometimes funny. Family is everything to me. I play it safe 99% of the time. I’m a deep feeler who can connect with others because of it. That’s who I am. Or at least parts of who I am. Those are areas I’d like to build up and improve upon.

In preparation for this installment, I read a little bit on inferiority complex and came across this article. It’s written by a psychology savant, and it goes more in-depth about ways it’s experienced, what causes it, and ways to rewire your thinking so that you feel less less-than. It’s worth a read.

“Shit or get off the pot,” they say.

I’m guessing I’ll wind up back on the pot at some point regarding this topic. But spelling it out here? Bringing it to light, instead of burying it deeper? Helps. And next time?

I won’t get stuck on the commode. 

Categories: Odes To Joy

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4 replies

  1. I love Commode to joy…. very helpful on a daily basis! Regardless of what is going on! Thank YOU for being here!

  2. Oh my god! I had exactly the same thought process watching this movie. O.O Thanks Jamie and keep up the amazing work!

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