Commode To Joy

finding happy (even in the crappy)

Toe Condoms

This morning I posted a picture of a construction paper flip flop that Miller made at school on Instagram.

It’s cute, right? In the caption I referenced walking on easy street all day long, because that’s what it reminds me of.

Well about that…

This afternoon Miller and I went outside so I could repot a few flowers. Since it was going to be a quick 1-2-3, I slipped on a pair of flip flops and headed out. Flowers were planted. Water can retrieved. I walked to the side of the porch to access the hose and kicked the corner of the slate step. Hard.

I yelped a “Gosh Darnit!” and looked down to see a nice pool of blood forming on my pinkie toe. It wasn’t until I got my foot in the sink under cold running water that I assessed damages. Turns out I scalped the darn thing. One little skin flap is keeping the “lid” of my toe in place. As I often say to Miller, “Smooth move exlax.”

Muscato suggested I cover it in antibacterial ointment and put a, and I quote, “toe condom” on it. So that’s exactly what I asked my mother to pick up at Walgreens for me.

Imagine, if you will, my sixty-two year old (mostly) prim and proper mother talking with a twenty-something male employee about said toe condoms.

“My daughter cut her toe, and I’m looking for a type of cover for it. One of their friends buys these covers and calls them toe condoms.”

The employee finds two boxes, one with tubular gauze and the other with latex covers.

“I think I’d go with the gauze,” he says.

“Yeah but he called them condoms,” counters Mom.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

As Mom grabbed a box of each, the guy added, “Just remind her to leave a little space at the tip when she puts it on.”

Omg you guys. Is it possible to die from laughter, because if so, call the undertaker.

My toe is effectively condom wrapped and ready for business (forgive me).

While my day really has been an easy-street kind of day – all thanks to a flip flop piece of art – flip flops can kiss my ever lovin ass. And, as irony will have it, they’re now the only shoe that will fit my foot.

Easy street. I highly recommend it. Just wear sensible shoes when you go.

Categories: Odes To Joy

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2 replies

  1. Omg this is hilarious! Thanks for the funny read 😂😂 make sure to leave some space at the tip!

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